I spent most of my day whining and complaining to God about how frustrated I was. I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t want to do what I believe he told me to do (write/illustrate a children’s book). The last time I had drawn was in high school which was about 13 years ago. It’s been about 2 years since I believe he told me to do this and I still haven’t finished yet. I am always making up an excuse not to work on it honestly, I just feel clueless and overwhelmed so I procrastinate. I finally wrote the story almost a year ago, but boy am I dragging with the illustration part! I don’t know what I’m doing, and it seems like a lot of work. I feel scared, the sketches look ugly to me and I don’t know my style of drawing… these are all my thoughts, feelings and complaints to God. I’ve tried to pray and ask God for peace and guidance, after all I believe He is the one who told me to do it. It definitely wasn’t my idea to deal with this pressure while still working as a full-time nurse overnight and being a mom. What I needed was to shut up to hear from God!
So anyways, my son comes upstairs and sits in my office with me as I silently have this tantrum and panic attack with my sketches in front of me at my desk. He sits on my office floor working on his own sketches. Then suddenly he starts to have his own tantrum and starts to say how horrible he is at drawing, how my drawings are better than his, that he wants God to talk to him and how he wants to draw good like me! I start trying to talk him down as he’s crying (its bedtime so he’s overly tired which makes things worse), but then I start to laugh (which makes the crying worse because he thinks I’m laughing at him). I started laughing only because I realized what God was trying to do here! I believe He was using this situation with me and my son as a lesson!
In this mini breakdown session that occurred in my office, it was is as if I was playing the role of God and Josiah was me! Let me explain, I believe God was showing me myself. I was trying to calm my son down and speak words of encouragement to him when he was upset just as any good loving parent would do. But nothing I was saying was getting through to him because he was too busy wailing in his own pity party. He couldn’t hear my voice! Well, isn’t that what happened earlier between me and God? How could I have heard Gods instructions and felt his encouragement to trust in him? How could any of us hear his message with all the whining we do? So we have to be listening to hear and receive his message (reading the bible/His word)! Instead of stop, drop and roll, we should all practice shut up, breathe and listen!
Another thing I believe God also showed me in this situation was that Josiah (who is in the age range of my target audience), really loved the drawings for my children’s book and thought they were great! Yes, the same sketches that I was whining about. I believe God reminded me that these sketches aren’t meant for me! It’s not even about me! They are for certain children and parents that he is needing to reach! So, it didn’t even matter if I felt they were inadequate because my audience (Josiah and children in his age group) loved it! I believe God really has an amazing way of putting things into perspective! How many of us are making it all about ourselves and forgetting that God has this whole huge plan? How many parents and kids really need my book but I’m too busy procrastinating in finishing it? How many people are we affecting negatively because we are being selfish and disobedient to Gods instructions?
I encourage you to just keep going if God has called you to it, even if things don’t look so great and you feel inadequate. “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. Isaiah 55:8-9. Remember we can’t always see the big picture which is God’s plan. Our job is to trust him and have faith. Shut up so you can hear from God. In doing this we will be on the right path for our lives and will continue to progress! Lets do our jobs as the body of Christ even if we can’t see what the future looks like. Then one day we can stand back in awe of Gods big picture/plan. I am so excited for our future!
