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trusting God

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Can’t Hear Over the Tantrum

I spent most of my day whining and complaining to God about how frustrated I was. I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t want to do what I believe he told me to do (write/illustrate a children’s book). The last time I had drawn was in high school which was about 13 years ago. It’s been about 2 years since I believe he told me to do this and I still haven’t finished yet. I am always making up an excuse not to work on it honestly, I just feel clueless and overwhelmed so I procrastinate. I finally wrote the story almost a year ago, but boy am I dragging with the illustration part! I don’t know what I’m doing, and it seems like a lot of work. I feel scared, the sketches look ugly to me and I don’t know my style of drawing… these are all my thoughts, feelings and complaints to God. I’ve tried to pray and ask God for peace and guidance, after all I believe He is the one who told me to do it. It definitely wasn’t my idea to deal with this pressure while still working as a full-time nurse overnight and being a mom. What I needed was to shut up to hear from God!Continue reading

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Use the Darkness to Turn up the Light

Everyone who knows me knows that I have any extremely active brain and that I can rarely sleep well because I am always thinking! My mom always tells me to take out my brain, put it away in the drawer and then go to sleep haha. I often will have a pen and notebook at my bedside to write down any thoughts or ideas that come to mind in the middle of the night. This usually ensures I don’t forget the thought/idea and I can address it the next day. If I don’t do this then my brain will just keep repeating the thought or idea constantly in an attempt not to forget it, which leaves me with a not so restful sleep.

This particular night I was attempting to sleep haha, but I just kept repeating in my mind “use the darkness to turn up the light.” I was asking God what does that even mean? Continue reading

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